He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
