I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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