I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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