I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Slut skills are useful in every country.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
cat food counts as protein by the way
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
