I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
