I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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