Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
