i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
