Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
