Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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