i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
