this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
