I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
