Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
