Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ttyl tear gas
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
