If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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