I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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