Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
