I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
