Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
