I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
only if we run a train.
done.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
