Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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