I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
