He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
