So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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