why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
