I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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