tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I want to be your penis for a week.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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