Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
