dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
