I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
