Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
