did you get engaged???
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
