i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
