Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
