Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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