Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
