i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
