Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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