3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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