I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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