Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
