Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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