Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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