i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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