well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
