1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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