he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
