Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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