just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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