I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
